I may be alone in saying this, but I hate it when I hear people use christian clichés as a way of dismissing someone’s pain. For example, someone shares how they are disappointed with you about something that they really wanted that didn’t happen, and the response they get is “It’s okay, this just means that God has something better for you.” Now, while I understand the heart behind this type of response and I acknowledge that we do not always know God’s plan, these types of sayings do not erase the pain that person is in. Newsflash- we can know and believe that God’s plans for us are good and perfect, and we can still be disappointed and confused at Him for not giving us what we wanted. In our lives, our efforts may not always match the outcomes we get.
Another cliché that I remember hearing especially as a student was “Do your best and trust God with the rest.”Again, while this sounds good, and while the intention behind this statement is kind, I believe that it creates a false narrative for people. Just because you try your best and you trust God with the rest does not mean you will receive the best outcome; in fact, let’s be real- there are some things we put effort into that we didn’t even talk to God about.
The point of today’s blog is to be honest about the outcomes we have had in life and to examine our relationship with failure. Now I want to be clear that there is no failure in God, but let’s not be confused-there is certainly failure in humanity. As long as we are living on this earth we will fail as human beings; we have failed before and we will fail again. But this is why it’s important to know what failure actually means versus how we use it in our everyday language.
Failure has multiple definitions in the dictionary, but today I want to focus on the first three definitions found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. The first definition of failure is an omission of occurrence or performance, and an example of this would be failing to get to work on time. The second definition of failure is a lack of success, like failing in business. The third and final definition of the word failure is falling short; having a deficiency, like saving up your money for a down payment, but not having enough.
The reason why I wanted to focus on all three of these definitions is because I believe that they all speak to the different emotions we have when we experience failure. Depending on the person, you may not feel any type of way if you fail to be at work on time, especially if you have a job with autonomy/flexibility. But if you work in a time-sensitive role, where you have to clock in and out every day, you might have stronger emotions about being late. Or let’s think about all of the times we failed to succeed at something. When you’re in college and you study for weeks for that test and you still only get a C grade. When you invest hours into a work project and the company decides to change courses and pursue another idea. When you launch your business after years of planning and don’t make any profit. In these examples, the outcome that you get can feel like a waste of the effort you put in.
It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to put effort into something, not knowing what the outcome will be. This year I told myself that I would be braver and try and go for new things and put myself out there more, both in my career and in my personal life. There are two major things that I applied a lot of effort to, things that I stepped outside of my comfort zone for, and things that I genuinely asked and believed God for. Guess what? Both things failed. After the news of each outcome, I initially told myself those same tired christian clichés. “God has a plan that I don’t see yet”, “Every rejection is God’s protection“, and my personal favorite, “God I thank you for every closed door.” Don’t I sound super saved? YES!
I let myself have a few days of believing that I was fine, that I was healed from the disappointment I felt. But I’m so grateful that I am mature enough in my walk with Christ to know that God can handle the real emotions I have and that my churchy words and phrases do not distract Him from what’s in my heart. I had to be honest with Him and tell the truth. “God this hurts me, I really wanted this thing”. “I thought this was your will for me and now I am not sure I hear you clearly”. “I’m mad because I feel like you don’t care about the things that I care about”. I had that conversation with God.
But God is so thoughtful and patient with me, and more importantly, He knows me better than anyone. He allowed me to have my tantrum, and then He asked me a couple of questions in return. “So, you only want to give effort when you are guaranteed to get what you want in return?…..” “Why don’t you believe that I know better than you about what’s best for you?” Yep, He slapped me upside my head with His sandal. Again.
So, even though having that talk with God gave me perspective, accepting that I failed still hurts me, and I know that your failures may still sting for you. And while the outcomes in our lives may not be what we wanted, our effort is the win. If you gave your best, hold your head up! The failures we have in this life are not a label or a determinant of our worth, they are just steps on the journey. Know that there are future outcomes in your life that will be good; that the plans of God are for your good. Get up and try again, and don’t be afraid to fail again.
See y’all next week~
The Obedience Diaries 